Empathy Isn’t Always A Natural Instinct When One Is The “Default”.
What the hell is wrong with people? What is it about deafness that sends people off to Whoop, Whoop, in search of the Holy Grail that will provide them with the ultimate answers that will solve all our problems regarding deafness. A solution that would make the lot of the hearing parent’s [and by extension, the hearing world's] job easier. Wild and crazy Friday night, Deaf Mom of Two Deaf Children, Would Beethoven Have Wanted a Cochlear Implant?, Can Culture Argument Be Applied Equally and Why I Won’t Teach My Children ASL, among many other blog posts, leave me some serious questions as to why are we covering the same ground, that we covered 20 years ago, and still getting frigging nowhere?
I sound jaundiced I know, but I am sick and tired of listening to parents go on about unconditional love, and from what I have been privileged to witness, it is anything but. At times, it seems like one, long, continual projection of what the child should be, based on the parents image of themselves. Are we photocopying or are we creating?
If the last 20-30 years has seen an explosion in knowledge about deafness, and a greater awareness of what it is and how we can deal with it, then why are we traversing the same, tired, old debates about choice in communication, what’s the best method for teaching, and so on, and so on? Why are we traversing the same, tired, old, ground, blithely unaware and blissfully ignorant, of all that has gone before? More pertinently, ignoring past precedence as if it has no bearing on the parents child today. “My child is unique, therefore requires a unique solution!”
With all this knowledge and experience at our disposal, one would think that we would be making better progress for our Deaf brethren, kith and kin, giving them a better world to live in, than was possible in the past. Well, I’m killjoy, and am enjoying it very much. I, for one, have a good grasp of Deaf history and a better nuanced understanding of the dynamics of the Deaf and Hearing relationship than a lot of people. With all this knowledge and experience we supposedly share, will somebody please tell me:
- WHY are parents [and the Hearing world] increasingly resorting to is technology to deal with deafness and its implications?
- WHY are Deafies continually being weened on technological measures to build their bridges to the Hearing world via cochlear implants, hearing aids?
- WHY the continuing emphasis on lipreading, cued speech, to achieve the same aim as in point 2?
- WHY, inspite of assurances to the contrary, is sign language still treated as a tool, to be picked up and discarded as the situation demands?
- WHY do people continue to labour under the assumption that all people with a hearing impairment are alike [the same]?
- WHY is the aspiration to integrate with the Hearing world done at the expense of being Deaf, and having a positive Deaf identity?
- WHY is the aspiration to integrate with the Hearing world still the Holy Grail?
- Indeed, why is more effort expended in building up the deaf child for a life where the Hearing world takes centre stage?
- WHY does all this technology define who we are as people?
- AND most salient of all, why is the irony of all these questions lost on all concerned?
I ask these questions not because I don’t understand the reasons behind the choices people make, because I do. I ask these questions not because I don’t understand why some people want to hear more, because I do. I ask these questions not because I seek to deny a person the right to seek technological assistance, because I do understand why they seek technological assistance. I do understand the reasons a mate of mine gave for why he chose to get the cochlear implant. I ask these questions, because nobody is answering them, or even asking these same questions. Instead we are are inundated with the false dichotomy of the oral, implant, lipreading skills, et al, being equated with successes.
I ask these questions, cause I am not blinded by the Holy Grail that is the Hearing World!
Community, communication and culture, The Three C’s, in the Hearing sense, are conceptually limited to audio and speech. More succinctly, they are limited to a strict reading of what the five senses mean. Sure the Hearing employ other means of communication via the other four senses: sight, smell, touch and feel, when the situation demands, and the means of communication are many, but in the final analysis, Hearing community, communication and culture is built on the one dominant underlying structure: audio and aural! The problem is that we Deafies have proven that a human being can function quite well without sound [or a heavy reliance on sound].
In spite of the advances we have made in promoting a better understanding of deafness, and proving the validity of the Deaf identity and Deaf culture, we still cling to the notion of success and esteem as human beings, let alone Deaf people, as measured in Hearing terms. We Deafies, are still being condemned to a life that is dependent on technology and a hearing world.
Technology is expensive, and unless money is no object, it quickly becomes a yoke, from which we Deafies are never free.
I find it hard not to see this obsession with technology as a solution for deafness is bordering on psychopathic violence. As a Deaf person, it’s hard not to be offended by all the rationalisations employed for why the cochlear implant is used. For all the protestations of love and affection for sign language, yet so much effort and energy is expended into programs that use cued speech, speech therapy, lipreading in a supreme effort to give their kids the most opportunities, because it is a hearing world.
Parents, we know that. Parents, those of us who are now in middle age, looking back, see the same crap being pulled today that was pulled years ago. As one blogger wrote:
“…we CANNOT view oralism with CI children as it is a completely different way of raising deaf children today.”
Oralism years ago is no different to oralism now. The intent is the same, it’s just the technology is different. If parents [The Hearing World] put half the time and energy into helping to build deaf culture, building bridges between the deaf and hearing worlds, and build a place where your deaf kids can be deaf without a reliance on audio means, their futures [and indeed, all of our futures] wouldn’t look so bleak. I don’t care what rationalisations are used, deaf kids are being condemned to a depended on technology for their inclusion, self esteem and confidence.
Sure, I’m not a parent, and don’t have the responsibility of raising and making decisions for children. But I am someone’s child. And I have bore the brunt, both good and bad, of parental jurisdiction. And like all children, I know that our parents are not God, and that they screw up somewhere along the line. More than this, I am an uncle, and unlike most uncles, I have actually changed nappies, walked the floor, cradled them to sleep, played with them, rowed with them, and know full well that I actually exert influence, and quite aware that it can be negative as well as positive. Then again, my single status makes me sensitive to parental bullshit.
For all the advances and progress, we still revert to type, when it comes to seeking solutions. It’s better to be Hearing. If you can’t be Hearing, then hear something. I don’t expect hearing people to ever, really understand. I have given up on that objective. “Empathy isn’t always a natural instinct when one is the “default”.”
If this rant offends you, too bad. I’m not impressed with the rationale that parents are putting forth as to how they are rear their deaf/ deaf children. For all their patronising protestations that it’s OK to be Deaf, the ultimate aim though, is that Holy Grail. The identification with and integration with, the Hearing world. On Hearing terms!
FURTHER READING:
On Being Deaf: Part One
On Being Deaf: Part Two
On Being Deaf: Part Three
Communication: Freedom Of Choice
Identity: Fluid or..?
Identity & Fluidity: Just A Thought
A Positive Deaf Identity: What is it?
Tales Of The Deafhood - Deaf Communities Part Two
Tales Of The Deafhood - Deaf Communities Part One
Tales Of The Deafhood - Deaf Communities: Deaf Gays And Lesbians
Tales Of The Deafhood - The Epiphany
Tales Of The Deafhood - An Introduction
More Thoughts on the Deaf Blogosphere
What is Deafhood?
Deafhood: A Process Of Self Repression
Many Tribes
In One’s Own Image: Ethics and the Reproduction of Deafness
Ethnicity, Ethics, and the Deaf-World
Informed Choice and Deaf Children: Underpinning Concepts and Enduring Challenges
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