All The Young Dudes

NEWSFLASH: Deafie Discovers Hearing People Are Drivel Worshippers

HUMOUR: Accessible Pictures With Invision Sign InterpretingSydney, Australia: At a Trivia Event last wednesday,  an Ex-Deafie discovered what we Deafies have known all along. Hearing people are drivel worshippers. They are given to talking in drivel. Why it came as a shock, let alone surprise, we will never know. After heavily investing in that hearing imager called “The Cochlear Implant”, he is disappointed to discover that he has spent all this money, to find out what we Deafies have learnt without spending a cent!

Hearing people talk utter drivel!

The name of the shindig he participated in, should have alerted him to the true nature of these events. Trivia, so name after the Greek God, Trivialovokarsis, who was in charge of all things that bear no consequence. That’s why they created Trivia nights.  To honor the Greek God Trivialovokarsis and his spunky offsider, Drivelopoulos.

These events, occur with alarming regularity across Sydney, and indeed, the rest of Australia and the uncivilised world. Deaf civilisation is left bemused by the antics of flapping lips, that impart no coherent meaning. Let alone wise words or insights of any great consequence.

Worshippers at Trivia nights, testing each others spiritual knowledge with thought provoking conundrums such as, “What colours are your Grandma’s knickers?”, “Is it true the postman rings twice?” and ”Shall I Have a Banana Smoothy Or Will It Make Me Too Fat?”

Trivia nights enable Hearing people to come together in groups, and talk utter drivel, and compose paens to the Greek God Trivialovokarsis . Generally, hearing people, don’t have the confidence to talk drivel on their own, and need the esteem boosting presence of a group. It allows them to bond. At the end of the festivities, worshippers band together to let rip a great roaring fart to the tune of The Battle Hymn Of The Republic.

Deaf people, great humourists all, attend these events with the intention of getting these drivel worshippers drunk, so they can watch them drool as they drivel.

Perhaps if Ex-Deafie wants to educate hearing people on the importance of communication, he should set up classes in Lifting Your Knuckles Off The Ground. First!

Some of these drivel worshippers have created their own radio show, To be hosted by the DJ’s Drivel Woman and Drooling Dandy. A name for the show has not been finalised, but accorrding to the station management, it’s likely to be either Drivel Time or Drool and Drivel.

Fun Things To Do:

A Day In The Life Of Liam Blakervich
Drivel Worshippers: Trivia Night Celebrating The Greek God Trivialovokarsis
HUMOUR: Accessible Pictures With Invision Sign Interpreting
HUMOUR: Accessible Pictures

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HUMOUR: Accessible Pictures With Invision Sign Interpreting

In the push towards more accessible media, and in response to an overwhelming demand for sign langauge interpreted graphics, in-vision signer, I present to you, my humble self talking on the telephone. But first, let me introduce you to my telephone. The model that inspired the Abba Song, “Ring! Ring!”

Having been inspired by some truly wonderful oral communication methods, I decided to try some of them while making a phone call.

And now for the piece de resistance, a graphic with in-vision subtitles.

Please Note:

I do apologise unreservedly for the lack of a transcript, but the person who usually does my transcripts, suddenly lost his hearing. He doesn’t sign, and as you can well imagine, he can only … Oh Never Mind!

Further Reading:

HUMOUR: Accessible Pictures

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HUMOUR: Accessible Pictures

To demonstrate that I am not anti-access, and that I am quite prepared to provide a transcript, and caption my visual images [when I have the resources]. So in the spirit of access, I offer you the following image, in its original uncaptioned state, followed by the captioned version. Hopefully this will appeal to the visually disabled [and pass muster at deaf village].

THE ORIGINAL:

THE CAPTIONED VERSION:

THE TRANSCRIPT:

–BEGIN TRANSCRIPT–

[Bright sunny day, and the sunlight is pouring in through the open door. The room is a mess.]

[Off screen. Mother calls out: "Tony!"]

[Sitting at his Desk. In front of a webcam, of unknown model and make.]

TONY: [Straining to smile] Signs thumbs up [with two hands]

After 10 seconds [not thirds, fourths or fifths, not even sixths but seconds - this is the captioner's private joke -ha! ha! Ha!] the webcam takes the photograph….

Behind Tony, is a foot rest, shelf, and a ceramic tiled floor.

[Phone rings. Tony does not answer. He is not wearing his hearing aids!]

–END TRANSCRIPT–

And if you are feeling adventurous, you can a read the proofsheet version transcript of the above picture. Or if you like, a captioned version of the proofsheet transcript.

More Funnies:

HUMOUR: ASSISTIVE LISTENING DEVICES PRIDE MONTH
HUMOUR: How Many Deaf Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb
Celebrating Neurological Devastation Week
PRESS RELEASE: The Oral Tour Starring The Implantees
SATIRE: Don’t Cry For Me Deaf Society
HUMOUR: If Genetic Therapy Was Offered By Spam
HUMOUR: If Deafies Were Targetted By Spam
Transcript: Out In The Middle Of Whoop, Whoop’s World Service, 6pm. March 12th 2008

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HUMOUR: ASSISTIVE LISTENING DEVICES PRIDE MONTH

Saturday, 21st June: In a world first, Sydney, Australia, played host to the world’s Assistive Listening Devices Pride March. Different assistive listening devices from the world over, gathered in Sydney for a celebration of their ability to bring sound, to the neurologically devastated peoples of the world.

Thousands of spectators lined Oxford Street, the traditional route of the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, in what is expected to be a night of whistling, feedback, and audiologists touting for business, with the lure of restored hearing. Digital Daddy, head of the ALDPF [Assistive Listening Devices Pride Festival], said “”Assistive Listening Devices Pride is all about the festival and it’s all about telling the world our stories, our lives, and showing the world that our love is not a second-class love and shouldn’t be treated as such,” he said.

Many community groups of assistive listening devices participated with floats devoted to a celebrating the diversity of listening devices. Notable floats included, Debbie’s Implant, Disco Digits, The Russian Cyborgs From Cyberia, the Box Hearing Aids in their wheelchairs, looking resplendent in their black leather harnesses, drew loud cheers from the crowd as they were wheeled up Oxford street, and a contingent of neurologically devastated people, under a rain of used batteries, singing [out of tune, I might add] “My Implant, My Hearing Aid”

I’ve seen you in my ears
I hear more of those worn-out old phrases
So now we’ll stay together always
Always and again, we two
Always and again, the things I hear with you

Like an frequency passing up my canal, my implant, my hearing aid
In the cochlear of my ears, my implant, my hearing aid
I can hear it all so clearly
(Hear it all so clearly)
Increase the volume
(Increase the volume)
Was it tinnitus, a lie?
Like tiny tits, fragments of your mind, my implant, my hearing aid
Are the sounds I’m trying to hear, my implant, my hearing aid
And I ply you with batteries
So go away, God bless you
You are still my implant, my hearing aid
Still my one and only

I’ve changed your batteries every day
Tell me is it really so hard to generate sounds?
Oh, this has been my loudest day
Sitting here wearing you
Knowing that maybe tonight, before I go to sleep,
I pull you out

Like an frequency passing up my canal, my implant, my hearing aid
In the cochlear of my ears, my implant, my hearing aid
I can hear it all so clearly
(Hear it all so clearly)
Increase the volume
(Increase the volume)
Was it tinnitus, a lie?
Like tiny tits, fragments of your mind, my implant, my hearing aid
Are the sounds I’m trying to hear, my implant, my hearing aid
But I know I don’t always hear
I just pretend, and nod  OK
You are still my implant, my hearing aid
Still my one and only
Yes I know I you are expensive to keep
More than a Two Dollar Whore, God bless you
You are still my my implant, my hearing aid
Still my one and only

The pride march culminated in an all night party, where cochlear implants mingled with analogue hearing aids and their digital brethren. The older generation of box aids, were honoured in a special performance by Annie Analogue, who gave a blistering recital of Ode To The Whistle And The Feedback, by the Assistive Listening Devices luminary, Battery Danny. A sisterly duet by Battery Dan and Ear Moulds, with the song, “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”, closed the night with a mixed couples dance, that saw cochlear implants mixing with hearing aids.

Further Reading:

HUMOUR: How Many Deaf Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb
Celebrating Neurological Devastation Week
PRESS RELEASE: The Oral Tour Starring The Implantees
SATIRE: Don’t Cry For Me Deaf Society
HUMOUR: If Genetic Therapy Was Offered By Spam
HUMOUR: If Deafies Were Targetted By Spam
Transcript: Out In The Middle Of Whoop, Whoop’s World Service, 6pm. March 12th 2008

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HUMOUR: How Many Deaf Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb

There are so many variations of the “How Many…..” jokes. Recently, there was variation called “How Many Internet Group Members Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?” which appears at the end of this post. I present to you, a Deaf version of the joke, that I used to tell many years ago, when I was involved in a few Deaf committees. But I have updated it to account for technology and the internet.

Anyone who has been involved in a group or committee will appreciate the sentiments. I’m sure I’ve posted it somewhere before, but here it is again. Of course, it can be further adapted to, “How Many Deafies Does It Take To Create An Aggregator?”

So Here we go. How Many Deaf Does It take To Change a Light bulb?

1. One!

• But first, you have to establish a committee whose sole objective is to change the light bulb.
• Then, advertised for interested people who want to change the light bulb.
• Call a general meeting, to elect the committee members.
• The selection of the committee is postponed due to lack of interest.
• Another general meeting is called. A committee is elected.
• A name is given. DdPdHi&MLD- CFCTLB - Deaf, deaf, partially deaf, hearing impaired, hearing and mothers little darling ,Citizens For Changing the Light bulb.
• A date is set for the new committee to meet.
• The newly elected committee, then decides on the positions of President, Secretary, Treasurer, and sub committee to oversee the changing of the light bulb.
• The sub committee meets. They make research, discuss and draw up a strategic plan.
• The sub committee report back to the committee. They debate the plans, but the plan is deferred to the next committee meeting, because one member wanted more information.
• The sub committee reports back to the committee with the requested information. Final agreement was deferred due to insufficient numbers for a quorum, due to one member sunnying himself in Bali.
• At the next committee meeting, the sub committee is directed to set up a website, a blog and register it with Deaf Read, the deaf village, and The Vegetable Patch.
• Immediately, bloggers start debating whether the light bulb is culturally Light or Lite.
• One blogger posts an article querying whether the changing of the light bulb will be accessible.
• One blogger accuses Debbie for doing nothing to contribute to the changing of the light bulb.
• The blog Plugged In Bulbs is deleted from Deaf Read for not declaring their commercial ties to General Electric.
• The blogger of Plugged In Bulbs, screams censorship, and sets up his own aggregator, called The Electricity Store.
• The committee DdPdHi&MLD- CFCTLB meet to discuss these developments, and agree to register their blog with The Electricity Store.
• The Aggregator, The Electricity Store, posts their editorial guidelines:

• Blog entries from ACCEPTED contributors that do not relate to changing light bulbs are subject to moderation discretion, which can and may result in an article not being published on The Electricity Store.
• Posts to The Electricity Store must pass the “brightness test” and maintain a level of decorum regarding wattage, longevity, etc. that does not exceed a “40 watt” rating.
• The Electricity Store operates on a basis of respect for individuals’ choices and respects each person’s individual “light bulb changing experience.” Smashing of light bulbs will not be tolerated.
• We require all electricians to include captions, subtitles, or transcripts to their light bulbs as not everyone understands cued, signed, or spoken languages. Textas are a free and easy way to add subtitles, and can handle video inputs from YouBulb, GoogleBulbs, and other popular electricity sources
• All guidelines are subject to the interpretation and discretion of the The Electricity Store moderating team. By submitting your feed to The Electricity Store, you are agreeing that the editorial are very intelligent.

• The sub committee reports back to the DdPdHi&MLD- CFCTLB, who examine the plans, and the meeting runs over time due to committee:

• sharing similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
• cautioning about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
• pointing out and correcting spelling/grammar errors in plans and blog posts about changing light bulbs.
• arguing over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb”.
• having no experience in the light bulb changing.

• The DdPdHi&MLD- CFCTLB, agrees to meet in 6 month’s time to flog this dead horse. They also agreed tht they should have a Better Bulbs Month. They agreed to provide the following accessibility features to allow as many people to attend and participate.

Sign Intepreters

Oral Intepreters

Electricians

Live Captioning

Queues of Cue Speech Interpreters

Face Stabbers

Whisperers

Note takers

Pointers and Grunters

Mute Gesticulators

Better Lighting Technicians

Pen and Paper

Anger Management Counsellors

Pass The Parcel, and other Party games…..

The Internet Version:

• One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
• Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
• Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
• Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
• Three to correct spelling/grammar errors.
• Six to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb”.
• Another six to condemn those six as stupid.
• Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.
• Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take
• this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.
• Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.
• Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
• Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
• Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.
• Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
• Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add “Me too”.
• Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
• Four to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”
• Thirteen to say “do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs.”
• Three to tell a funny story about their cat and light bulb.

AND

• One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now with something unrelated and start it all over again!

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