All The Young Dudes

Tales Of The Deafhood - The Epiphany

Before I commence the next chapter in the on going series, Tales Of The DeafHood, I would like to present you with a word that keeps cropping up, at various points in my life. More so, since beginning the work of self awareness that took me through counselling, reading, courses, workshops, social events, much angst, before finally culminating in the pinnacle of great self esteem, that I decided that I would work my way through the spunks that made up the sign language class that I was dragged along to, at The Fox, in the backstreets of Birmingham [yes, THE UK, NOT the USA] Sorry Liam, that is a story for another time, maybe when I’m drunk. Incidentally, this is where I met my X [and that too is a story for another time! Right Alison? And our friendship is yet another story. When do the laughs begin I hear you ask?].

Anyway, the word is EPIPHANY. The meaning as I have come to understand it, is as follows:

1. Epiphany

• a. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
• A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself” (Frank Maier).

2. Epiphany

• A revelatory manifestation of a divine being.

3. Epiphany

• A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
• A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself” (Frank Maier).

Unlike Deafies who were born into Deaf families, or went to [or grew up in] Deaf [boarding] schools. My path took a different route. I was assessed as not needing support of any kind, and as a result, I was placed into a hearing school, which was the mainstay of my education all the way up to college.

At it was at college, that my first epiphany occurred. For years I had been labouring under the misapprehension that I was disabled. That I couldn’t do anything like normal people could, and that I was an object to be pitied. Never mind the logic of the situation, the fact was I thought like a victim. And ironically enough, it was this thinking that led me onto the path to salvation and redemption. My intention was to carve out an alternative niche, if I couldn’t participate in the hearing world.

The source of the epiphany was the film, AND YOUR NAME IS JONAH, and if my memory serves me right, that film was also my first introduction to sign language [though I do have a hazy recollection of having a white card, with the Auslan Alphabet prior this].

As I near the end of chapter one, Deaf Communities, in Understanding Deaf Culture: In Search Of Deafhood,the memories come flooding back. The ignorance, the misunderstandings, the lack of understanding, the confusion, the learning, networking, friends, the faux pas, and ultimately self awareness.

Understanding Deaf Culture: In Search Of Deafhood, shares much in common with Harlan Lane’s, The Mask Of Benevolence, but it goes further in underscoring, just how big an effect, oralism had on the Deaf community. It’s influence went way beyond the bickering over communication methods, a red herring of an argument, which is the right to choose the communication method you are most comfortable with. When I first encountered this argument over 10 year ago, on my second trip to the UK, I could see it for the bullshit it was. It raised more questions than it answered, and gave people a convenient excuse to avoid answering the hard questions raised by the wreckage of Deaf education and Deaf people’s lives.

And that is where I will leave you my dear friends, in anticipation of the next installment in, Tales Of The DeafHood!

Reading Matter In The Meantime:

Tales Of The Deafhood - An Introduction
What is Deafhood?
Deafhood: A Process Of Self Repression
Many Tribes

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Tales Of The Deafhood - An Introduction

Spurred on by MM’s negative review and gross misunderstanding of Paddy Ladd’s Understanding Deaf Culture: In Search Of Deafhood, and the positive press and vibrant discussion of Deafhood in blogs, forums, and email groups, I just had to buy my own copy. So, I did. I could have read the online version over at Google Books, but I’m old fashioned in that I love to hold a REAL book in my hands. Besides, these eyes of mine are getting on a bit and reading from the computer screen strains them. Hence, a real book made of paper, finds happiness in my hands [and vice versa].

This post is the first of what I hope will be a continuing dialogue about deafhood, deaf culture and self realisation inspired by Paddy’s [and other similar] book [s]. As well as sticking the boot in any dismissal of Deaf Culture and Sign Language as valid and right, this series will be a refutation of MM’s negative review and his [and other like minded people] wanton disregard for the hard work that Paddy and other people put into showing there is nothing wrong with being Deaf. After all, their hard work results in maps and guides that help us [ALL, including the snotty little oralie who prides themselves on speaking well and not doing much else] along the rocky path towards salvation and redemption.

But first, dear reader, a short diversion.

We all know that “life is difficult, and that personal growth is a complex, arduous and lifelong task”. Living one’s life is a herculean task that never stops until you draw your last breath. And at 46 years of age, my own journey towards self empowerment, self realisation, self actualisation, and ultimately finding my place in the world [grand scheme of things] continues unabated.

I walk the road less travelled because I have no other choice. My deafness and my sexuality, force me to eschew the pleasant diversions of the manicured curb or the speed of the open highway, in favour of a meandering and a wandering path that leads to, “God knows where, but I’ll know when I get there!” My hunger for knowledge, understanding and meaning, lead me to reject the received wisdom, which often leads to an oppression and a suppression of all that is good in life. More than this, my spirit and my body are in open revolt to the idea of entrusting my very being [health and happiness, salvation and redemption] into the hands of my benevolent benefactors who assume they know what’s best for me,

The road less travelled is a road that few ever travel. It requires that an honesty and level of introspection, that few willingly submit to. It requires that we have an open conversation with ourselves, and the courage to forge an alternative path, should the one you are travelling on, lead us astray. It requires that we ask questions and demand answers. It requires that we lay down a challenge to the dominant forces that attempt to determine the course of our lives. The road less travelled is not a highway, where speed will get you to your destination and back before sundown. There are no maps and very few sign posts to guide us as we travel along this road, and at night, no there are no lamp posts to light the way. The road less travelled is full of potholes and unexpected turns, and it never returns to the same point that you started from.

If you have read the books, The Road Less Travelled, Owning Your Own Shadow, or even Zen Guitar, [even though Zen Guitar is about playing the guitar and, why you play it, ultimately, it's about motivation and fulfillment, and not technique. Lessons which we can take and apply to living] will understand this very well.

I am midway through Chapter One: Deaf Communities, having read the Introduction, and already waves of recognition and nods of agreement permeate my reading. The last time a book on Deafness got me this all shook up, was Harlan Lane’s, The Mask Of Benevolence. Already, I have many questions, but they will have to wait until I have delved further into the book. Already, there is much misunderstanding and ignorance of what this book is about and what Paddy is trying to achieve, but this misunderstanding and ignorance will only be cleared up if we are willing to move beyond the idea that we must align ourselves with, and measure our worth as a people against our Hearing forebears.

The scope of Understanding Deaf Culture: In Search Of Deafhood is huge. The task that Paddy has set himself, is an ongoing one. A task that we are all invited to contribute to. And I hope, you, dear readers, will come along for the ride.

Reading Matter In The Meantime:

Understanding Deaf Culture
Culture Versus Awareness: Refuting MM
Deaf Versus Deaf Refuting Carl
Awareness Versus Culture
The Deafhood Review
Deafhood:A Process Of Self Repression
The Secret Order of Deaf Militants

Elsewhere In The City:

HFEB: BDA draft letter to Professor Marcus Pembrey
HFEB: Explanatory clause on deaf selection
Parliament: Deaf Embryo selection to be made illegal
Paddy Ladd email: UK bill to outlaw embryos with the Deaf gene.

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A Bedtime Story: Deaf UK

If the following epistle is familiar, you would be right. I have published it before, on another blog of mine. At the risk of becoming, BORING!, I have regurgitated the post in light of recent developments regarding Deaf UK.

Deaf UK began life as a social contact list on e-groups, in the days before it became a yahoo group. The ease of posting sharing news, gossip and events made Deaf UK a popular list, and as a consequence its membership grew. So much that many established organisations saw it as a marketing contact.

The e-group was set up by John Savva [do your own research to find out all about him, and I have had a few fun, run ins with him - smirk!] whose moderating style earned him the name Tarzan. He roped Alison Bryan into co-moderating, but in practice dumped it all on her turned, making her moderator numero uno into moderating, and John would only show his head when he felt the need to beat his chest or Alison chucked a spaz.

But having Alison as moderator was the best thing that happened to Deaf UK. Unlike many moderators [and leaders] whose moderating style is off the status illustrating style [that is, "I'm the boss, hear me roar"] or a nannying style, Alison was of the “hands off and let the group set the pace” style, and she stepped in only when the situation demanded it, or when the membership demanded it.

Alison’s moderating style was what gave Deaf UK it’s character, and a very unique one. Anything went, believe me anything went, and if you have read my posts or comments all over the web, regarding MM [not the jam], then you will just how wild Deaf UK got. But it was filled with good things too. Lots of good things.

Many people were put off by the style and manner of the group, and they couldn’t deal with it so they left. People expected yet another deaf and hearing support group [for FUCK'S SAKE there's enuff out there], or they expected everyone to tip top and respect each other and just be plain smarmy.

Deaf UK, unlike many other deaf groups I belong too, was an ACTIVE WARTS AND ALL one. What was amazing, was you had some of the most obtuse and up their arses people join, who over time began to actually see through all that bluff and bluster and grew to take it all in stride. [Cue: My Name Sake Tony Roulinson, whom I use to bait with glee, and watch as he bit. But through it all, he came to see right thru me and I in turn began to appreciate and allow him his space. And that is summat that was achieved in a heated environment]

Of course, some couldn’t hack it. Some arses came in with the intent of changing the group into a light and love and let’s not say anything nasty, there’s too much out there alright, smarmy new aged Californian style [man all this baadddddddddddd energy just vibes me out], and that didn’t work.

Anyway, to get to the point, along comes MM who began proferring his opinions. Sure all was cool and sweet. Except for one small, wee problem…. when you got into a debate or argument with him, it became circular [Go over to the Tower of Babble if you don't believe me!] and when you responded to a post of his, he would respond to you by going off on a tangent. This would be OK if he eventually got back to the point, but he never did. It just got worse, that began to look like he was purely trolling.

Things got into such a state, that a poll was instituted for the membership to decide whether he should be expelled from Deaf UK, or allowed to remain as a member. He was unceremoniously kicked out, and he never got over it. His friends [the few he had] never got over it. All the new recruits to the MM way of life, never got over it. They never fucking get over it do they? In fact, no one got over it!

You can argue the toss if you wish, that we could have just ignored him and gone on our merry way, but we didn’t. He was followed by a few members who quit in disgust at Deaf UK and in support of MM. As a direct consequence, Alison was branded a dictator and control freak when she is nothing of the sort [I should know, I met her, I know her, from my days in FYD and in the UK]

I should clarify that the original poll to have MM banned, was expressed by Savva, Tarzan, beloved moderator of the slum corner we call Deaf UK! Of course I don’t like Deaf UK anymore, the Ego’s have landed and shat all over what was once a good group! Anyway, enough, I’m starting to really enjoy this swearing.

Anyway, things did quieten down, and you would think, that after a few months [centuries in cyberspace terms] things would cool down, people would pick themselves up and dust themselves off? But no. No. No. No.

We had forgotten all about MM and his band of Merry Men, until I was alerted to a strand in the RNID forums bagging Deaf UK and Signing Deaf in general,and bagging Alison Bryan in particular [that forum has long been closed. But I still have those pages saved somewhere]. Their modus operandi was to conjure up all sorts of conspiracy theories regarding Alison’s control of all things Deaf in Cyberspace. I imagine they thought she could pull the plug at her house, and bring the whole internet down. The slagging got so bad, becoming quite defamatory, that Alison was forced to write to RNID asking that the offending posts be removed, and NOT TO HAVE THE FORUMS CLOSED. That was an RNID decision.

But no, MM and his Merry Men lifted their skirts, and stomped their high heels, and set up their own forum called Deaf Tribes, which I dubbed daft tribes, the land of the scum bags, and in there they got defamatory again. They just could not let the original issue go. I mean, Alison is no longer moderator of Deaf UK, and still…..Quite frankly, if they are not moaning on RNID, they are moaning on SEE HEAR and MM, is using his own blog, to continue his circular line of reasoning against Deaf-Blogs [drawing parallels between Deaf UK and Alison's moderation of it, various factional warfares and other paranoid delusions, and then reframing it all to make himself look like the victim] and by extension Alison Bryan, and me because I put my literacy skills to good use when I call the kettle black.

Of course I gained myself a reputation by the denizens of the Tower Of Babble. Denizens who define themselves by what they were, used to be, what they think they are, as opposed to who, what and where they are. This reputation I got was cos I jumped in and defended Alison in those RNID forums, but anyway, you are now reading the greater literary talent anyway. So why surf to The Tower of Babble? They just drop their daks, turn around, moon you, and say: “Gee, ain’t I intelligent?”

Look [hands out in supplication], I know I could be more adult in my responses to him, them, IT, but he, they, she, those things crave attention, so I just give it to them. I enjoy using foul language to communicate with them, because let’s face it, you can be as rational, objective and sweet and you would still get dragged around in circles. So you may as well vent your spleen in the process.

Anyway, things galloped along on a great white steed, to last year, long after Alison gave up her moderatorship, back to Tarzan. Who took over moderating duties in a huff, because it interfered with his Tarzan work. If this reads like a fucking soap opera, it is. Anyway, for some unknown reason, John Savva [yes, Tarzan] deleted the entire membership of the Deaf UK events group. He took it upon himself to do this, as a means of drawing attention back to Deaf UK.

Instead, he found himself caught in the headlights of everyone’s anger. Which he promptly dodged and continues to dodge. In effect he is playing the same game that MM is. “Who me? I’m the victim here!” Rather than face up to what he did, he started banning people. I got banned cos I called him a dickhead. Alison got banned cos she was copying her own emails from deaf uk. Jen got banned cos she was forwarding her own emails to herself. Joe got banned cos he, he, he agreed with we all were saying [ I think]… and now, with the recent broadcast of See Hear program about Deaf UK and the Internet [due to editing considerations, only his view was aired], has left a few people’s noses out of joint. One of these days, everybody is gonna get banned for something or other.

I have seen clips of that particular episode, and John Savva is a fucking disgrace. [In fairness, part of the fault lay with See Hear who produced the program]Claiming all sorts of bullshit, for Deaf UK, and FAILING BIG TIME to acknowledge the work that Alison Bryan had done to build up Deaf UK, as well as establish a few other sister groups: Deaf UK Tech, Deaf Uk Events, Deaf UK Jobs….. Deaf UK has 2500 members, of which quite a few are bouncing. Deaf UK does not get 2500 posts a day. It’s not even that active anymore. Besides it has become a  shrine to his himself!

And now some of the Deaf UK members are defecting over to Deaf UK Chat group. And sure enough MM, has surfaced there. True to from, he has even tried to suck hole us by showing us how right about Deaf UK, he was the in the first place. Yeah right… pull the other one.

Anyway, I thought to chuck in some of the comments that were posted from when I originally published the above post:

Ruth said:

It was me who set up The Deaf Tribe in response to RNID shutting down the forum. When the RNID shut down the forum, at first, a lot of people were angry and blamed Alison. This was due to the continuous bombardment on the forums of propaganda by MM and Andy Arse Hole. I later wrote to Alison and apologised for the offensive
remarks on the Deaf Tribe and told her that I had come to realise the true story behind events that happened. I set up the Deaf Tribe only about 3 months after joining deaf forums on the web - and before that I had had very little contact with other deaf people and so I was pretty naive to begin with and knew very little about the background and
history of D UK and various other forums at the time.

MM said:

And
so to bed…… so Hans Anderson and Brother Grimm are still alive and kicking at Deaf-Uk, (And Elvis washes cars in Milton Keynes). I wouldn’t give up the day job if I was you. DUK was and still is, a clique’ and a deaf base to deaf activist trolls, who still deride people who can’t debate without being abusive. Anything goes at Deaf-UK ? (Anything except free speech apparently).

Ruth said:
The Deaf Tribe members set up a new forum - it’s called Smoke Signals and thats their sounding board which I am not a member of!

MM said:

Deaf Tribe ISN’T Smoke Signals, it’s a different site entirely, but then deaf brother will not let fact get in the way of a good bedtime tale, it’s not Deaf-UK so its rubbish !

Ruth said:

Yes MM - Smoke Signals is not the Deaf Tribe. The Deaf Tribe members eventually settled into the new NOT THE RNID forum after the RNID shutdown and the dust settled - but YOU are the one who keeps kicking it up again. It’s old news now..ancient history and times have moved on so why can’t you? It isn’t going to achieve anything, is it?

Ruth said:

Most of the Smoke Signals Forum members ARE the ex Tribe members though MM!

MM said:

Don’t feed the deaf brother troll Ruthie, these deaf fascists are few but they do influence others with their bile.

Ruth said:

MM - follow your own advice!

Further Reading:
Rob Wilks: To Be Banned From Deaf-UK? P2
Rob Wilks: To Be Banned From Deaf-UK?

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Identity & Fluidity: Just A Thought

Just a thought before I go to bed tonight.

This whole identity debate has reminded me of an incident that occurred many years ago. I was at a training course, and you know how its is with the usual banter between participants at the beginning and in between sessions.

Anyway, I remember telling the tale of a drunken episode, too much to drink, more than I normally do or would, where I would not catch the bus home. I insisted on walking home. This is from the city centre to the suburbs where I was living at the time.

I do remember that night, one I will never, ever repeat [I've only ever been that sloshed twice in me life. But you wouldn't believe me anyway]. Trying to walk down that fucking highway, sloshed, along the footpath, on the median strip, and stopping to take a piss on the footpath [shaking head], then FINALLY home to bed.

A friend who came in late, asked how come he never sees me like that. Meaning, he never gets to see that side of me. [At the time I thought, didn't think it was that important. To anyone. Mebbe he was in love with me? Shrug!]

Anyway, the point is, how we unconsciously [or subconsciously] alter how we present ourselves, or reveal different aspects of ourselves in response to different circumstances and situations.

Don’t worry, me mate got to see that tipsy, but definitely not sloshed, later. But everyone must have a drunken tale to tell I guess…Then there was the time where I had three tokes [my favourite way is to receive it mouth to mouth], a third of a bottle of tequila, and six beers all within 3 hours… fuck that was some hangover. Never again! Ever! And I have remained true to my word, but you will never know that!

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